28 – weathered balloons | the floating men

FrankenMixes: The Never, Ever Ask Series
(Chest-thumping self-loathing, full-throated despair, proud regret and lust, lust, lust. Also, pine trees.)

1. “For one night we get to sing again — come on! Chins up, boobs out, it’s showtime!” | Connie & Carla
2. Loser for the Evening
     “Can I start you off with a clever line?”
3. “I’d like to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair!” | Cabin in the Cotton/Bette Davis as “Madge Norwood”
4. All Young Ladies
     “Blame it on berry vines in the shade of a stand of pines. Blame it all on the wineskin she hid in her boot at the gate.”
5. “In lieu of champagne, how about some real pain?” | Innerspace
6. Pink Champagne
     “There’s starlight in the pines tonight …
7. “Sex, sex, sex! That’s all they think about, eh?” | Monty Python’s Life of Brian
8. The Idle Hours
      “I miss the thunder undermined the whine of debutantes and parasites collapsing in the tracks outside, where ghostly boys they sat in rows, invoking Michelangelo …”
       “How dare you! How dare you! How dare you!”
9. “You using the whole fist, Doc? | Fletch/Chevy Chase in the title role
10. “No more foreplay.” | Unknown
11. “You foul bastard!” | Unknown
12. Fade to Gray
        “All this whiskey and risky behavior is wearing me down.”
13. “Hey, this is great, man!” | Cheech & Chong’s Animated Movie/Tommy Chong as himself, more or less
14. “What a waste of time!” | Groundhog Day/Bill Murray as “Phil Connors”
15. Throwing My Watch Away (live)
        “It’s been a little hard on me, but now I’m starting to come alive.”
16. “Have you heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?” “Yes.” “Morons” | The Princess Bride, including Wallace Shawn as “Vizzini”
17. “Boy, I got vision and the rest of the world wears bifocals.” | Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid/Paul Newman as Butch Cassidy
18. Invisible Life
       “I’m gonna hire me a grandstand, and stand around staring down at the barren ground of this invisible life.”
“It’s a glorious day to wait around for a tow-truck with both axles stuck in the sugar-white sand.”

19. “If only God would give me some sign. If he would just speak to me once. Anything, one sentence, two words … if he would just cough.” | Love and Death/Woody Allen as “Boris”
20. Waiting for a Sign
       “Some kind of calling …”
21. “So I was sitting in this diner …” | Space Ghost Coast to Coast/”Brak,” voiced by Andy Merrill
22. I Know You’re in There Somewhere
       “If not this, what then? If not me, why, oh, Lord?”
23. “Bishop, I’ve thought long and hard about it …” | Jeff Holmes, Floating Men frontman
24. Slide Guitar Music
       “All our brightest kids are either weird or gay, and they can’t wait to graduate and move away. It seems that only jocks and unwed mothers ever stay.”
       “Y’all vacation with us anytime you want to, but please, dear God, don’t move down here to stay. We don’t need you building condos on our dove-fields, so set a spell then go the hell away.”
25. “When things are at their darkest, pal, it’s a brave man who can kick back and party.” | Innerspace
26. Jones
       “Don’t whine to me it’s not fair, Jones. Don’t whine to me, I don’t care.”
       “Yo, sweet thing! Another hit of the High Life!”
27. “You know why he stopped writing books? Because he masturbates.” | Field of Dreams
28. Word Gets Around
        “His sex drive took a nosedive between low tide and aisle five …”
29. “Wherever you go, you’ll always find that good manners keep things running smoothly.” | Are Manners Important?
30. Dead Stallion Carousel
       “Aw to hell with it, I’m going home for the night, just get away from me. Cuz I’m too mad to fuck and I’m too tired to fight, just get away from me.”
       “Same old knock-down drag-out fight. Same old tunnel at the end of the light.”
31. “I never dreamed that any mere physical experience could be so stimulating!” | The African Queen/Katherine Hepburn
32. “Ooh! Ow! Have you ever seen such cruelty?” | Blazing Saddles
33. A Pillar of Stone
       “If that’s the only way of turning you on, I was wrong all along, I don’t want it!”
34. “When I was going up the stairs, I met a man who wasn’t there. He wasn’t there again today. I wish, I wish he’d go away.” | Identity/John Cusack
35. Haunt You Down
        “Some windy Halloween, I’ll come scratching at your window-screen, unwanted, unwanted, unclean.”
36. “Can the human race continue to deliver these staggering blows, without arousing, somewhere in the depths of Earth, a reaction, a counterattack, a horror still undreamed of?” | Rodan
37. Demolition Day
       “Your favorite movie star called; she said she wants her poster back.”
38. “It’s such a senseless waste of human life, isn’t it?” | Monty Python’s Life of Brian
39. Abandoned Mansions
       “It’s already someday. It’s already soon.”
40. “Horror and moral terror are your friends.” | Apocalypse Now/Marlon Brando as “Col. Walter E. Kurtz”
41. “Isn’t that funny?” | Unknown
42. A Rose for Emily (live)
       “Call the preacher. Call the justice. Call somebody. Call me home.”

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